I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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