I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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