Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
