I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
