last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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