this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
