weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
