He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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