is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
