I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
