"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
