We got so high we made milksteak
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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