How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
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Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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