It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
