i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Congratulations! We have a period
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