I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize