i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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