had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
