Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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