would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
