Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
