I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize