Pappa wants mamma naked
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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