i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
