If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
