So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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