even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
