Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
