I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
