i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
