I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
