so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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