May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
