hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
