one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
