and you said cock pushups were impossible
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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