You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
