All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
