Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
