i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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