when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
whose parrot is this?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
