Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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