yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
