If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
