Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
