I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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