Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
