I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
