don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize