woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
