Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
