man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
