508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just had sex bonerless
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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