i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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