I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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