would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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