The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
