Porn is love you can see.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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