Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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