im about as happy as oj after his trial
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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