I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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