Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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