I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
