It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
