I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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