Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
