i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Randomize
