The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We had sex on a dog bed..
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
