she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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