yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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