"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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