My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
