Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
