You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
