loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
