Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
