So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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