i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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