watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
