If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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